Tag Archives: jokes

Escher Architecture – joke?

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Caption will say where this is from.

Robert  Leighton, from the New Yorker,

Is funny because …. there’s an Escher-like impossible structure and a dirty word (ass, tee hee). Besides that, this joke highlights a fundamental conflict between the architect and the client (customer): what is good architecture?

Typically the customer whats a home or office that “looks nice”, “doesn’t cost too much”, and “works,” perhaps as an advertisement for the company. Often the architect wants to make a statement for him/herself, or wants to produce a work of art. Left to their own, architects can produce expensive monuments that no one can live in.

A wonderful (horrible) case concerns The Cooper Union, my alma mater, and more-or-less the only free college in America. The Cooper Union was founded by an inventive mechanic, Peter Cooper, see my biography, who invented jello, and rolled steel, laid the transatlantic cable, founded AT&T, and managed to give free education to a century and a half of students. The trustees of the school tore down the old, serviceable building, sold the land, and built a $270,000,000 dollar monstrosity. Hailed by the New York Times as great architecture, it bankrupted the school, and is unusable for the sort of hands-on education that Peter Cooper devised.

In hopes of attracting a rich donor, Cooper Union borrowed $175 million to erect this grotesque building for its engineering department. No donor materialized, and, as a result, the school’s 155-year-old policy of free tuition has vaporized.

In hopes of attracting a rich donor, Cooper Union sold its engineering building and borrowed $175 million to erect this replacement. No donor materialized, and, with it, a 155-year-old policy of free tuition.

Here’s a surrealist joke, an engineer joke, and a thought on control engineering. Here too is a  sculpture I put on top of my building; the eyes follow you.

R.E. Buxbaum, July 8, 2013; I do consulting on hydrogen, and my company makes hydrogen products.

Control engineer joke

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What made the control engineer go crazy?

He got positive feedback.

Is funny because …… it’s a double entente, where both meanings are true: (1) control engineers very rarely get compliments (positive feedback); the aim of control is perfection, something that’s unachievable for a dynamic system (and generally similar to near perfection: the slope at a maximum is zero). Also (2) systems go unstable if the control feedback is positive. This can happen if the controller was set backwards, but more usually happens when the response is too fast or too extreme. Positive feedback pushes a system further to error and the process either blows up, or (more commonly) goes wildly chaotic, oscillating between two or more “strange attractor” states.

It seems to me that hypnosis, control-freak love, and cult behaviors are the result of intentionally produced positive feedback. Palsies, economic cycles, and global warming are more likely the result of unintentional positive feedback. In each case, the behavior is oscillatory chaotic.

The normal state of Engineering is lack of feedback. Perhaps this is good because messed up feedback leads to worse results. From xykd.

Our brains give little reliable feedback on how well they work, but that may be better than strong, immediate feedback, as that could lead to bipolar instability. From xkcd. For more on this idea, see Science and Sanity, by Alfred Korzbski (mini youtube)

Control engineers tend to be male (85%), married (80%), happy people (at least they claim to be happy). Perhaps they know that near-perfection is close enough for a complex system in a dynamic world, or that one is about as happy as believes ones-self to be. It also helps that control engineer salaries are about $95,000/ year with excellent benefits and low employment turnover.

Here’s a chemical engineer joke I made up, and an older engineering joke. If you like, I’ll be happy to consult with you on the behavior of your processes.

By Dr. Robert E. Buxbaum, July 4, 2013

Surrealism Jokes

What is it that is red and white, polka-dotted, filled with moisture, and hangs from trees in the winter?

Unity

Is funny because …… it’s more true than truth. Whatever claims to be unity must include the red and white, polka-dotted, moist items that hang from trees. Otherwise it wouldn’t be unity. Surrealism jokes should not be confused with Zen Jokes. Eg this. and that.  As a practical matter, you can tell surrealists from Buddhists because surrealists are drunks and have hair. And you know why Dali wore a mustache?

To pass unobserved

Dali's mustache without dali; notice how the mustache obscures the man.

Dali’s mustache without Dali, from Dali’s Mustache, the only book (to my knowledge) about a part of an artist. There are many books about Picasso, for example, but none about his left foot.

See how it’s true. The mustache takes the place of the man, standing in for him, or here the lack of him. Surrealism sees the absurd dream realism that is beyond the surd. “If you act the genius you will be one.” See? It even speaks for him, when needed.

Dali and his mustache agree, they love art for art's sake.

Dali and his mustache agree, they love art for art’s sake.

So how many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  The fish.

by R. E. Buxbaum, June 14, 2013

Zen and the hotdog vendor (a joke)

What did the Zen master ask from the hot dog vendor?

“Can you make me one — with everything?”

The vendor (so the story goes) replied “That will be $1.50.” The Master handed him $10 and the vendor handed him a hot-dog and said, “change comes from within.” (thought you’d like to know).

If you think this is funny, you may also like my previous Zen joke or (for all I know), my recent personal relationship cartoon.

Statistics Joke

A classic statistics joke concerns a person who’s afraid to fly; he goes to a statistician who explains that planes are very, very safe, especially if you fly a respectable airline in good weather. In that case, virtually the only problem you’ll have is the possibility of a bomb on board. The fellow thinks it over and decides that flying is still too risky, so the statistician suggests he plant a bomb on the airplane, but rig it to not go off. The statistician explains: while it’s very rare to have a bomb onboard an airplane, it’s really unheard of to have two bombs on the same plane.

It’s funny because …. the statistician left out the fact that an independent variable (number of bombs) has to be truly independent. If it is independent, the likelihood is found using a poisson distribution, a non-normal distribution where the greatest likelihood is zero bombs, and there are no possibilities for a negative bomb. Poisson distributions are rarely taught in schools for some reason.

By Dr. Robert E. Buxbaum, Mar 25, 2013. If you’ve got a problem like this (particularly involving chemical engineering) you could come to my company, REB Research.

Joke about antimatter and time travel

I’m sorry we don’t serve antimatter men here.

Antimatter man walks into a bar.

Is funny because … in quantum-physics there is no directionality in time. Thus an electron can change directions in time and then appears to the observer as a positron, an anti electron that has the same mass as a normal electron but the opposite charge and an opposite spin, etc. In physics, the reason electrons and positrons appear to annihilate is that it’s there was only one electron to begin with. That electron started going backwards in time so it disappeared in our forward-in-time time-frame.

The thing is, time is quite apparent on a macroscopic scales. It’s one of the most apparent aspects of macroscopic existence. Perhaps the clearest proof that time is flowing in one direction only is entropy. In normal life, you can drop a glass and watch it break whenever you like, but you can not drop shards and expect to get a complete glass. Similarly, you know you are moving forward in time if you can drop an ice cube into a hot cup of coffee and make it luke-warm. If you can reach into a cup of luke-warm coffee and extract an ice cube to make it hot, you’re moving backwards in time.

It’s also possible that gravity proves that time is moving forward. If an anti apple is just a normal apple that is moving backwards in time, then I should expect that, when I drop an anti-apple, I will find it floats upward. On the other hand, if mass is inherently a warpage of space-time, it should fall down. Perhaps when we understand gravity we will also understand how quantum physics meets the real world of entropy.

Joke re: SI pressure

Einstein, Newton, and the two Pascal brothers are playing hide and seek. Einstein has his eyes covered and is counting. The two Pascal bothers run and hide but Isaac Newton does not. He draws a square around him in the dust and stands waiting. When Einstein finishes counting he says, “I see you Sir Isaac standing there.” “No you don’t.” says Newton. “You see two Pascals: there’s one Newton in half a square meter area.

Dwarf joke

I tripped over a dwarf the other day; I know — bad news. The fellow gets all huffy with me, and seems to think I was looking down on him (So weird, if I’d been looking down on him, I’d never have tripped!).

At any rate he says, “I’m not happy.” “That’s OK.” I say, “So which one are you?” And he gets all upset. These dwarves are all the same, they’re so small.